One

I was watching TV a few weeks ago and one of the ads caught my attention. It might have been Brad Pitt and Orlando Bloom that really caught my attention, but it was enough for me to remember the website. Tonight, I finally checked it out. I actually liked what it had to say and what the organization stood for. After reviewing their Declaration, I signed it with my full support. Now, I ask you to take the time and read what I did. Here's a portion of what I read from One.org:

“WE BELIEVE that in the best American tradition of helping others help themselves, now is the time to join with other countries in a historic pact for compassion and justice to help the poorest people of the world overcome AIDS and extreme poverty. WE RECOGNIZE that a pact including such measures as fair trade, debt relief, fighting corruption and directing additional resources for basic needs – education, health, clean water, food, and care for orphans – would transform the futures and hopes of an entire generation in the poorest countries, at a cost equal to just one percent more of the US budget. WE COMMIT ourselves - one person, one voice, one vote at a time - to make a better, safer world for all.”

The ONE Campaign is a new effort to rally Americans to fight the emergency of global AIDS and extreme poverty. Each ONE of us can make a difference. Together as ONE we can change the world.

We can beat:
AIDS
Starvation
Extreme poverty

ONE billion people live on less than ONE dollar a day.

ONE by ONE, we can help them help themselves.

Sign up to add your voice to support The ONE Campaign Declaration. You will join the growing number of Americans who are getting involved online and in communities across the country to fight global AIDS and poverty through The ONE Campaign.

Stay sweet 'n smile.....................Mz.

My First Love

I fell in love with him the moment I saw him. I was 12 years old and up to that point, not really interested in boys in general. In fact, I did not even know I loved him. It would take years for me to master the definition of what love is. But whatever it was, it hit me so deeply. I never thought one day in seventh grade would impact the rest of my life. Somehow, it did affect me and continues to be a part of who I am as a woman today.

He seemed so different from the other boys. He was quiet and followed the crowd, especially his popular friends. Even with braces and a lisp, he was totally adorable. The greased curls, the black Michael Jackson jacket and his breakdancing enamored me. This eighth grade guy who played french horn was "oh my God awesome" in my book.

It was never consistently a great relationship. There were many offs and ons. Some of my deepest downs were when we parted ways. On three occasions, I tried to leave the pain of heartache behind, only to find no success. I eventually accepted the roller coaster ride of our relationship, enjoying the time of us and dating others when apart. Eventually through some chance, we would find ourselves back together. During these times were my greatest moments of happiness. When we united in love, the joy I was filled with was indescribable.

Peer pressure was the major factor for us in our relationship. Both groups of our friends were at odds with each other and us. Our most beautiful times were just him and me alone talking about our lives and our desires. Much of our time together went unknown by friends just to keep the peace. At night, I dreamed about the day we could be away from everyone and just be together with no fear and no pressure. I always believed that day would come after graduation.

I remember the day he died. I was in Junior Achievement and went to the meeting that night on Halloween. When I got home, I had seventeen messages on my answering machine. Several were from a boy, who I call my brother. We were fighting at the time and not speaking to each other so his urgent calls left me wondering. I called my friend and she told me. I thought she was playing a joke on me. I told her it was not funny since he and I were in an off period and I would call his sister to prove it.

I can still hear her voice...."Michelle, Benji is no longer here with us....." I'll never forget those words.

I was devastated. He was only seventeen and I was sixteen. I had loved this guy so much and been through so many experiences with him in four years. I never saw this coming or that in a flash it could end permanently, but it did.

I miss him. I still remember how he said my name with his lisp and how his huge hands overlapped my own. I remember our conversations and the time he saved me from falling off his roof on his last birthday. I remember how before he passed, he made peace with my best friend. So much of him is etched into my memories and my heart and even in some of my dreams. He was my first love and will be that to me forever and eternity. It took me a long time and many years before I could accept his departure with any peace. I got stuck through several stages of the grief process, but with time and many tears, found my way to the end.

There's just one thing. His sister was wrong about what she said. He is still here....just in a different way now...still watching and loving us like he always did.

Yo te amo, Benji.

Stay sweet 'n smile.....................Mz.

Black for Stability

A great smile spreads across my face. I feel so happy like I am on a mountain peak. I did it. I made it to the top and it feels so wonderful. I feel so alive and warm inside. I close my eyes and can feel the wind blowing through my hair and around every part of my body. The clouds surround me and provide a luxurious comfort. It feels like a dream, until I open my eyes again.

A tear runs down my cheek. The journey of life is forward moving and I must keeping going. I know this means back down the mountain I must go until I reach the next one. But, I don't want to go. I want to remain in this wonderland and enjoy it's beauty. More tears fall. I have no choice. It's time to move. Life has more to offer me. Slowly, with teardrops scattered along my path, I begin the journey to the next peak. Hopefully, the next peak plateaus for me and I will be able to enjoy it so much longer. The sun begins to dry my tears. I can see the next peak far off in the distance. I begin to pray for a peak that plateaus, but I have no illusions just hope and the wisdom to be understanding that I will feel love again.

I had a great afternoon yesterday. I spent time with a friend of mine who I am getting to know a little better. He showed me so many things...where he works, his co-workers, the scenery of the area. He also showed me a little more of him which I deeply appreciated. In return, I shared some of my thoughts and stories letting him get to know me on a more personal level. I really enjoyed learning about the things we saw together. I even enjoyed having the cold wind blow so hard and seeing the big waves crash before our eyes. I had a wonderful time.

After we said our good-byes and our see you in June remarks, I began my journey home. I immediately called my best friend, Kelley. "It's not fair. He is amazing. It is just Talif all over again." I can picture Kelley referencing the Talif story in her mind.

Talif...great guy...deeply touched Michelle's heart...gave her great inspiration...encouraged her to follow her own path...disappeared from her life after the lesson from him was learned...many tears shed.

"I can see it is happening again. It is another lesson. He is one of those. He teaches me something and moves out of my life." She tried to calm me. I told her about the lilacs he gave me. "Oh my" is all she could say. She knows they are a favorite of mine.

I told her about the rubber bracelets with a word stamped into them. I buy them at the gas station everytime I am in town. I bought a bunch and offered him one. He picked the black one that said stability. I chose the pink one that said hope. There you go...I thought to myself. Lessons stamped on a little rubber band. Kelley continued to be supportive knowing that I will get through this like before. "It may be a different lesson. He may not be one of those" said Kelley and spoken like a true best friend. I tried to find peace in her words. Although knowing the history of those, maybe he will be the one to change it. Maybe he won't disappear. I can not let the fear of what was take away any joy of what is or what will be. Maybe I just need hope as I watch him find his stability. I really don't know, but we will see.

BTW, I looked up plateau in the dictionary.....

Main Entry: 2
plateau
Function: intransitive verb
to reach a level, period, or condition of stability

Life is so ironic!

Stay sweet 'n smile.....................Mz.

RTK....I still remember the first time I saw you. You were coloring at the table. When it was over, I just wanted to stay and enjoy your company even more. You fascinate me and I like the uniqueness of you. Thank you again for the flowers, for lunch and everything. I felt like I got to know you better. Send me your address from the east coast and stay in contact. The first stained glass boat I make is your's. Until we laugh in June.....MLL

Sadness

My Auntie called me yesterday. She cried to me announcing her new reality. Her life timeline was determined shorter than she ever expected. Three months maybe to enjoy those around her. Cancer, her known enemy of only a few weeks, is winning the battle within her.

"I am dying. I don't want to die. I'm not ready. I thought I had longer to live."

Tears run down my cheeks. Her words echo into my head becoming painful memories from a previous moment. I feel such loss and sadness, but she is still on the phone with me. I tell her I love her, but know that love alone will not make the enemy disappear. I try to be strong and supportive knowing that when the phone clicks off, I will breakdown in sobs.

I don't know what to do besides do what I do everyday. I know that she will always be around me in life and in spirit, but seeing her face smiling back at me is something I have loved so much since I was a small child. I never thought she would not be there when I graduated or at Christmas which is not so far away. My reality is changing before my eyes and I am not too happy about it.

I will try to remember our stories from before and tell my children how much their auntie loves them as we prepare our hearts for her spiritual journey. I will try to find joy in the time I do get to see her and knowing that family will greet her when she leaves this earth, including her favorite cat, Shine.

I love my auntie and deeply appreciate all the mothering she gave me. I know I must accept her fate and offer my support and comfort. In the mean time, I will release my sadness in tears, in words and in other forms. I will look into the eyes of my own children and remember the beauty of life and the happiness of living. Once again, I will feel the happiness and joy like when I ate chocolate-covered strawberries for the first time, rode the roller coasters at Cedar Point with my best friend, or when I stared into the bright eyes of that special someone.

But in this moment, the tears still fall one by one.


Stay sweet 'n smile.....................Mz.