Pulled

I am being pulled in many directions. So many opportunities and only one me. It reminds me of many struggles I have had with liking too many things and not settling on one. Can a person really be too diversified?

I find it fascinating that as much as I love diversity and variety in my life, I can be so adamant and rigid about little things. A good example is wall art. If I decorate a wall, it must be symmetrical on each side of the imaginary middle line my brain places on the wall. If there is a sconce on the right side, believe me, a sconce will be on the left too. But, if it is a small place like the shelves of my bookcase, symmetry does not prevail. I just have to like the item for it to win a viewable spot.

Crazy as it sounds, it is my normal. I have been trying to figure out why I am like this. Why does my brain have all of these crazy little rules that bring a preference into my life like a mild OCD. I believe there are many possibilities that led to this way of existence.

In regards to wall art, I think Home Interior was a negative influence. My mother held Home Interior parties at our house while I was growing up. I was quite involved and enjoyed the whole process of hosting a party. I was even given my own book to make my own purchases via my mother's credit card. I loved watching the hostess show off the displays. She said time and time again about balancing the items on the wall. If you added a mirror on one side of the picture, you should balance it out with a mirror on the other side. As a adult, I see the sales technique in that pitch. As a child, I did not and thought it was just a pretty display. I still love Home Interior. Their displays are just as beautiful today as when I was little, but only if they are symmetrical in my mind.

The second major influence in decorating a wall arises in my mathematical/engineering thought process. I believe my mind uses algebra constantly. If x+3=4, then x=1. Both sides of the equal sign must be balanced with the same amount. If 4 is on one side, 4 will be on the other. If there are one small picture and candle on this side, there should be one small picture on the other. Again, my mind has that imaginary middle line/equal sign on every wall I look at. Cursed by algebra, I say.

My best friend says it is just my personal taste, but I still believe I have been influenced. What I have seen from my DNA, I come from a wherever family. That leads to one conclusion. Somewhere in my universe, nature tainted me. So now I must fight nature and my own mental influence to remain open to ideas beyond me and the boundaries I have created.

I am still being pulled. So many things I want to do, but only so much time to do them. I need to figure out what will best inspire me and propel my inner growth. Save the world my heart screams. Save yourself my mind yells back. Guess I am back to making a list of the pros and cons and praying for enlightenment. I need to find which brings balance to my life. Both sides of me....my heart and my mind....need it. See, even in my own being, I am symmetrical. Maybe it is homeostasis that is at blame. Yeah, that is it.

New plan. Fault homestasis, save the cheerleader and choose the path that brings me the greatest joy. Sounds good to me. You?

Stay sweet 'n smile............................Mz.