Sadness

My Auntie called me yesterday. She cried to me announcing her new reality. Her life timeline was determined shorter than she ever expected. Three months maybe to enjoy those around her. Cancer, her known enemy of only a few weeks, is winning the battle within her.

"I am dying. I don't want to die. I'm not ready. I thought I had longer to live."

Tears run down my cheeks. Her words echo into my head becoming painful memories from a previous moment. I feel such loss and sadness, but she is still on the phone with me. I tell her I love her, but know that love alone will not make the enemy disappear. I try to be strong and supportive knowing that when the phone clicks off, I will breakdown in sobs.

I don't know what to do besides do what I do everyday. I know that she will always be around me in life and in spirit, but seeing her face smiling back at me is something I have loved so much since I was a small child. I never thought she would not be there when I graduated or at Christmas which is not so far away. My reality is changing before my eyes and I am not too happy about it.

I will try to remember our stories from before and tell my children how much their auntie loves them as we prepare our hearts for her spiritual journey. I will try to find joy in the time I do get to see her and knowing that family will greet her when she leaves this earth, including her favorite cat, Shine.

I love my auntie and deeply appreciate all the mothering she gave me. I know I must accept her fate and offer my support and comfort. In the mean time, I will release my sadness in tears, in words and in other forms. I will look into the eyes of my own children and remember the beauty of life and the happiness of living. Once again, I will feel the happiness and joy like when I ate chocolate-covered strawberries for the first time, rode the roller coasters at Cedar Point with my best friend, or when I stared into the bright eyes of that special someone.

But in this moment, the tears still fall one by one.


Stay sweet 'n smile.....................Mz.