Had

I loved this bumpersticker the first time I saw it. It was one of those moments were I knew it was telling the truth about my life. Somehow, some random phrase could sum up my life so quickly and easily. I think what bothered me most was its factuality to my reality.

I always thought myself to be rather ludic and whimsical. Although I always wanted stability in my life, I never wanted boredom. My adventurous spirit would wither and lose all vitality in that environment. The wild thing about this all was that this did happen and it took me a period of time to really understand what was happening to my very being.

There were many signs pointing to this and probably with big flashing arrows and a man in a hard hat saying "Warning! Stop what you are doing and turn back. This road is a dead end and can lead to death!" Sadly, I never saw those initial signs anywhere.

I think my kids and my doctor knew. They watched as my spirit dimmed and my health began to diminish. Both tried in their own ways to help, but I did not see life beyond its current stance. I had responsibilities to take care of and people depending on me to do my job. I did not want to let anyone down. I just did not know I was letting myself down and killing the very spirit inside me that gave me every reason for living.

I went to a training last year. It doesn't matter what it was about since I was only there in body. My mind was somewhere else reconnecting to my spirit. That day the reconnection woke me up and made me realized that I needed to change a "had" in my life. Not a small "had" like I had tuna everyday for lunch, but now I have ham. It was a "had" that would affect all aspects of my life. It would be a gigantic "had" that devastated a part of me. My "had" was I had a life, but now I have a job. I decided it was destroying me....physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. My body was shutting down, my family was suffering, and it left my doctor trying to treat symptom after symptom. That day my mind realized it was time to change that "had" and I did.

It has been two months of being "I had a job, but now I have a life" and I love it. I was one of the lucky ones who could walk away and find a place in life and be ok. The family is very happy again, the doctor is amazed by my improvements, but most of all, I am the true me once again....alive, free and truly enjoying life again.


Stay sweet 'n smile.....................Mz.

Best Buds

Do you have a best friend who knows everything about you? He knows how you got the scar on your arm, your favorite drink you always order and the secret about that one night at band camp when no one was around. She supported you through all of your breakouts, your fashion blunders and heartaches. He helped you build many forts, collect worms for fishing and stood at your side on your birthday. She shared her clothes, snuck out with you and ran messages to the ones you liked. It was your best bud, your brother like no other, your girl, or your BFOE.

Sometimes they enter your life really young. You grow up together and old together. Others enter your life at times when you were not necessarily looking for a best friend to appear.

My son got lucky. He met his in kindergarten. We lived in the same building. They were in the same class several times in elementary school. They spent the night over each other's house. They played the same games including soccer together. Even when he moved away, it was like nothing changed when we went to visit. It was fun watching them pick up where they left off. They are best buddies even from far away.

It's wonderful to have someone to share with on this level. Someone who gets you and accepts you. I don't know exactly what kind of combination or chemical reaction causes a friendship like this to form, but somehow, when you meet a person that you just click with, it can happen. And over time....become....BFOE.

I once read a poem about friendship and the different levels of purpose it serves. I started thinking about all of the different friendships I have had with different people. I began to wonder how this applied to me. What did I consider myself to be? What are you?


A Reason, A Season, A Lifetime

People come into your life for a reason, a season, or a lifetime.
When you figure out which it is, you know exactly what to do.

When someone is in your life for a REASON, it is usually to meet a need you have expressed outwardly or inwardly. They have come to assist you through a difficulty, to provide you with guidance and support, to aid you physically, emotionally, or spiritually.

They may seem like a godsend, and they are. They are there for the reason you need them to be. Then, without any wrongdoing on your part or at an inconvenient time, this person will say or do something to bring the relationship to an end. Sometimes they die. Sometimes they walk away. Sometimes they act up or out and force you to take a stand.

What we must realize is that our need has been met, our desire fulfilled; their work is done. The prayer you sent up has been answered and it is now time to move on.

When people come into your life for a SEASON, it is because your turn has come to share, grow, or learn. They may bring you an experience of peace or make you laugh. They may teach you something you have never known, or done.

They usually give you an unbelievable amount of joy.
Believe it! It is real! But, only for a season.

LIFETIME relationships teach you lifetime lessons; those things you must build upon in order to have a solid emotional foundation. Your job is to accept the lesson, love the person/people (any way); and put what you have learned to use in all other relationships and areas of your life. It is said that love is blind but friendship is clairvoyant.

In the reality of the world, I think we are all three affecting different people in different ways. I believe it is those lifetime friends that have the ability to reenter your life and just pick up where you left off. You know the one...your best bud.

A little props out to Kelley for being my BFOE. A great woman who will never stick me in peach. A strawberry shortcake to ya. Cheers!


Stay sweet 'n smile.....................Mz.

A New Year.....

I still want to write 2004. I think that happens to alot of people after the first of January. I did it the other day on a check I was writing. I caught it after signing my name realizing my 4 should be a 5. It reminded me that my time to reflect over the past year had come.

Today, I spent some time just with me. It was those wonderful 90 minutes when the kids were playing at the neighbor's house leaving my house full of quiet solitude. I thought about all of the changes I had made in my life the past year. Some decisions were so hard and scary. It forced me to trust my instinct and take the leap of faith. Other decisions were just about keeping on my same path I chose previously. Looking back, I think I kept dipping one foot in the water while keeping one foot on solid land. 2004 turned out to be ok....nothing special...just ok.

I have plans for 2005. It might turn out ok too, but it will definitely be special. This is a year for preparation for me. I am planning for multiple changes in my life in 2006 so I need to get ready. 2005 is my to-do year. Being the planner that I am, I already have my list, but am still tweaking it. I just hope the motivation to get everything done keeps flowing. My precatory planning although fallible is not to me so maladroit. I believe in what the future holds for me, but most importantly, I believe in me.


Stay sweet 'n smile.....................Mz.