Da Butt

Do you have a song that just makes you get up and dance? You know the one where you say "That's my song!" and get up and shake your booty. You know all the words and possibly some special dance moves. I have a song like that. It is from a long time back, but it still stirs my excitement and makes me want to get up and shake my butt. "Da Butt" by EU was that song.

I am not an attention seeker. I don't like people watching me. I remember my fourth birthday very clear when it was time to sing "Happy Birthday" to me. I cried and tried to hide behind my mother. It didn't matter if I knew everyone in the room or that that they were all people who loved me. I did not like people looking at me. I dreaded every birthday when it was time for that song. And it wasn't just the song....it was the opening of the presents. Everyone wanted to watch and see what you were gifted and see your reaction. I love presents. So....it was torture for me to open them in front of everyone. I always wanted to move all the presents to a back room and open them in private. That would have made me the happiest. Instead, my family made me go through the charade of being happy and excited. Oh...the fake joy! I was happy when the party was over and everyone left or moved on to other things. I would then quietly appreciate the presents and the love that was given with them.

Today, I do public speaking as part of my job. I am very comfortable speaking in public to large groups. I am even comfortable when I speak at a prison helping offenders connect to community resources and learn job-seeking skills. I also enjoy speaking to small groups as I do when I teach various classes. It seems that it is the in-between that affects me the most. If it is under 10 or over 50, I am good. There is no anxiety. But, that in-between generates the nervousness. It feels like the "Happy Birthday" song is about to be sung. I can get through it, but it feels a little painful during the process.

When it comes down to it, I was just very shy. Still feel shy today even though most people would say the opposite. I don't mind being in the spotlight as needed for work, but in my private life I avoid it. This includes when I am out with friends in a social setting. I am not a wallflower. I like to mingle and connect with others. But....I will never be the first one on the dance floor. Even if no one is looking, I can't do it. There is one exception to the rule. It is the "Da Butt" song. If I hear it, I will jump up out of my seat and shake it like I don't care. You'll probably hear me say "They're playing my song!" too. And for a moment or two, it doesn't matter how many eyes are watching or how shy I am. It is like I am alone with all my presents and enjoying each one.....feeling like the queen of the world.

Stay sweet 'n smile............................Mz.