Disney Debacle

They say it is the happiest place on earth. I've been there a few times in my life and I can testify that I loved it there. I sure was happy. I would sure be happy if I could find my way back there again.

I talk to the kids about going to Walt Disney World about once every year. I send for the vacation video and watch with anticipation. I always hope that somewhere in my budget is a few dollars to start saving for a journey to my mouse mecca. Sadly, there just never is.

I've been a single parent for pretty much most of my children's lives. When I was married, I still was serving as the primary parent while he focused on his military career. You do what you have to do when you become a parent and I have accepted the responsibilities that come with the position. It is a life-long commitment that brings me more than I ever thought it would.

I always said I never wanted children in high school. We would speculate about our futures and mine never included little ones toddling around. I knew after babysitting that children were alot of work. It was permanent overtime with no pay. Sure, they are benefits, but once you accepted it there was no backing out. You are locked in for life. So, my prediction of my future in high school never included rugrats.

It is amazing how things change when you are in love. I got that nesting bug really bad and then ......"poof"......out popped my first commitment. Talk about life changing. Did you know that 24/7/365 never ends? That's how much time I needed to spend raising my baby girl bundle. I spent the first year of her life figuring out what kind of parent I wanted to be and what my beliefs were. I knew this foundation would be life-affecting, so I needed to get it right. Next thing I know, love blindsided me again......"poof"......out popped another commitment. My baby boy bundle added much love to my life. I really needed that too since at this point I knew single motherhood was in my future. It was the one thing I wanted to avoid, but not at all costs. I still had a pretty good opinion about being in a healthy relationship and the strength to walk away when it got bad. Boy, did it get bad.

We all survived the crash. I just tried to pick up what was left and started moving towards a brighter future. I had too. I had a commitment to uphold. I felt like a momma duck with ducklings in tow. Wherever I went, they followed without question. Quack, quack, waddle, waddle.

I went back to college and began my great career as a juggler. I juggled up to three jobs, two kids, volunteer work and lots of homework from my double major. I even gave up dating to focus on priorities. At one point, I had the opportunity for Harvard dangled in front of me. My dream school was no longer the dream for me. Graduating and getting a good job to support the rugrats was my number one focus.

I still remember graduation......magna cum laude with a B.S. and a B.A.......and two beautiful rugrats cheering me in the crowd. I wondered why I felt no sense of accomplishment. I know I was disappointed that my family or friends didn't attend, but I think it was more than that. After an 8 year journey, I think deep down I knew it wasn't over. I was right. Graduate school, here I come!

Graduation is in May. I can't wait. I am ready to move from poor college student to successful professional. I think the kids will be happy not seeing me glued to the computer for days trying to complete another research paper. That freedom is so close. Yeah!

Once again the Magic Kingdom is calling me. Too bad my checkbook says call back in a few years. I tease my kids that the mothership is calling me home. Now, I just have to find a way to make it happen. It will probably be in a few years to my dismay. The rugrats are getting big and will have to be bribed to hug "a man in a mouse suit" if we don't get there soon. I want them to feel the magic of Disney before the skepticism of being a teenager blocks their childhood ability for making-believe. I know I have a small window left, but I know where I go, they will follow. Quack, quack, waddle, waddle.

I found out today that I didn't get the job. They said that I interviewed really well, but the other person had more experience and her master's degree. I actually don't feel sad about it since I will still be there interning. Now, I have the opportunity to learn more from another professional which will make me a better practitioner. I have always been aware of the growth that this experience brings and look forward to working with someone new. I was offered something to my surprise. They want to pay me for my internship now. It's not much, but it is something. Definitely not enough for trip to Orlando or even a trip to the Cities, but it will help keep the mini-van on the road. I like surprises.

I let the kids down gently. They knew that the trip was off for this year when I told them about the job. My son asked me if I would let Oprah know. They remember when she made some wildest dreams come true last year. My daughter kept asking me to write in, but I never would. I never felt deserving. I do what needs to be done, but still working on making the world a better place. I think I need another ten years. Do you think Oprah will be on then? LOL!

As for now, I will dream of visiting the Magic Kingdom. I will continue my daily journey, but will keep the hope alive. One of these days, I'll be purchasing those tickets and making those reservations. And you know who will be behind me, following in my footsteps?

Quack, quack, waddle, waddle.

Stay sweet 'n smile.....................Mz.